Lets talk about what is our purpose....
But first... Happy Birthday to my wonderful sister, u've been there with me through ups and downs, and i really adore you my dear sis, Hanim MY.
What is your real purpose of studying Doctor course/PhD? Look back at your main purpose.... Why do i want to further my master last time? I did wanted to be a teacher but my experience during latihan mengajar made me think, and during my final year project, it did opened my eyes wider, i want to search for more knowledge, if i be a lecturer i will have more opportunity and i can do research as well. At that time it was such a difficult decision since i already got a post at a school in Tumpat, about 30 minutes drive maybe and i can stay close with my parents yet at the same time i got an offer to further my study, after some thought i wanted to further my study since i dont have any contract with KPM since i am using ptptn, i finished my master quite late due to instrument problem and spent 6 months of job hunting and no money, taking care of my nieces and nephews yang chumels and i got some pocket money hehe... menternak badan di kg halaman and alhamdulillah finally i got a steady job.. as a lecturer, Alhamdulilah... at that time i was so relieved and so glad... Allah maha kaya, maha pemurah... dikurniakan pula seorang insan peneman hidup, my beloved husband, my love AT. Bukan auto transmission yer hehe...
Honestly, lepas masuk kerja i am really looking forward to further my study, why? I want the knowledge, saya mahu mencari ilmu dah pengalaman untuk dikongsi serta mendidik pelajar2 saya... rasa seperti tersangat kurang ilmu di dada untuk mendidik my lovely students so this is my time. I dont really care where but if i have the opportunity to study outside my country that would be a bonus for me. Antara sebab2 lain, sementara masih muda, belum punya tanggungjawab dan masih dikurniakan kesihatan, saya perlu meneruskan misi mencari ilmu (masa ni belum jumpa my love so i just did my own plan). Pengalaman mengajar banyak menyedarkan diri ini..how i wanted to teach all that i know to my students yet my knowledge is still at the bottom of a bowl... so i thought that by furthering my study, the experience and the knowledge gained can be very useful for future undertaking.
I never knew how much allowance will i get, i never knew that when i came back from study tangga gaji naik..(memang tak tahu apa2 sehingga pergi kursus induksi and after that knowing my love and i knew more) but i never cared, all i wanted is the knowledge and a chance to to seek the knowledge at different environment. When i met my love we have a same opinion. Alhamdulillah rezeki telah ditetapkan and here we are in Sendai, both of us are studying yet we only get "1" allowance and extra housing allowance sama je macam ikut husband pergi further study walhal i am also studying, but i dont care, i still have my salary even though it has been cut down a little bit because the most important thing is i have this chance, a once in a lifetime chance which i guess it is very hard to get and i don't want to miss it. My love and I was eager to see how it would be studying here tak pernah terlintas di dalam hati kami..balik nanti gaji naik duit banyak etc...it's the knowledge that we seek for.
And these few days people are talking about something. It is still a long way to go. My love and i maybe have another 2 years here and policies can change anytime especially government policies which are unpredictable. My love and i kind of talked about it last night... kenapa perlu risau, tak ada apa yang perlu risau... what is our mission? what is our purpose? menuntut ilmu kerana Allah bukan kerana sebab2 lain. Kenapa perlu sedih. Seriously, my love and i dont really care so much about this... ilmu dan pengalaman diperolehi sangat tak ternilai and we will appreciate it forever and shared it with others, look back at your purpose... do u really sincere of doing this? To be apart from family and loved one? And yet grumbling over a small matter? Look around you? Aren't you blessed with this opportunities? Photo shoot with snowy weather, tried snowboarding, various fruit picking, we can experience the advancement of the systems and technologies where we couldn't find it back in our country and yet more experience and knowledge to come. Aren't we blessed with that? Ramai lagi orang di luar sana tak dapat peluang seperti ini and yet we grumbling over a small matter. Subhanallah. (I don't know why i become so emo). It is still a long long way to go. Anything can happen, anything can change, just play our role of seeking knowledge... Allah really know your true intention and purpose.. wallahua'lam
And think back, my love and i only have one intention coming here and we are glad that we are blessed with gifts from Allah, we can still stay at International house (which is by rule students can only live 1 year) and we manage to extend another year and my the rent are 3 to 4 times cheaper than the other normal houses, and when i joined an activity and lend a help i will get some pocket money... my lovely supervisor arranged this for me... which i never knew at all alih2 dapat duit, syukur that's all i can say even though i have circumstances in my research/study..i will never give up and loose hope because i know my main purpose... i know what i really want..insyaAllah there will be the way for my love and i... this issue really made me think back and grateful with what i have now... Thanks to my forever love, my love for a thoughtful chit chatting last night (saya sangat slow and tak arif dgn isu2 semasa)...aishiteru... ^_^